Thursday, December 18, 2014

Round peg, square hole

I don't want to be a grinch, I really don't but I kind of am. Maybe not even kind of.

I don't like Christmas carols, only because I've heard them all too many times. They're pretty songs. I guess. I have never seen The Nutcracker, yet I'm tired of that music, too. I never get a tree and own not even one Christmas ornament. There are no boxes of tangled Christmas tree lights in my closet.

See what I mean?

Hanukkah is not inspiring, either. It celebrates a military victory and is not a major Jewish holiday. It was placed on steroids to compete with Christmas. Not really my kind of holiday.

I honor the solstice, though usually alone. Even when I was part of the Reclaiming community, I dreaded winter solstice when we were expected to stay up all night. I'm a diurnal creature who prefers to be tucked in bed especially on the longest night.

I believe I've made my point. This year I decided to save all the Christmas cards and the few little gifts I will receive until Christmas morning. I will open these things with my morning coffee. Maybe that will get me into the spirit, ya think?

Maybe. We shall see.

I'm not in a bad mood and I don't hate Christmas and I don't resent anyone who wishes to celebrate any ritual of the returning light. That I can't find a way to appreciate the holiday is yet another example of what an odd duck I am.

Hey. Rather than a grinch, maybe I could think of myself as an odd duck. It's not as self blaming. I kind of like it.



  1. I kind of feel the same way. As a teacher, I'm so sick of the holiday as it gets played out in school, that by the time the actual thing rolls around, I have no energy for it. I never attended my old circle's all night solstice sweat lodge vigils, because the person who ran them drove me crazy, and I just didn't think that was a good attitude to bring into a sweatlodge. I personally would like to crawl into a fluffy pink blanket, in a dark, cool room, and stay there from mid-November through January...your odd duck attitude sounds reasonable to me.

    1. That sounds like the best way EVER to celebrate the darkest, longest nights of the year. I really get hibernation.

  2. I'm by no stretch of the imagination a jolly person this time of year. I don't celebrate the return of the light in any traditional way, although I admire the lights people put up a great deal. I sometimes rant about the spectacle of it all and feel out of place among people who get into the whole shebang.

    What I do love is the receptivity people have to kindness and other generosities. (Weird that kindness seems to fall under a cultural umbrella of generosity, but it seems so from my point of view.) Today I walked through the last wisps of snow falling on today to run some errands and just goggled at the clouds dropping on the mountain peaks, hiding them and framing what could be seen in silent but somehow thunderous mystery. The wonder of making tracks on fresh fallen snow. The ravens providing intervals of escort. And my interactions with others reflected the joy I felt at the beauty of the natural world and had nothing to do with the conventions others enjoy.

    I went so far as to venture a compliment I'd long held inside myself at the beauty of the pharmacist helping me. She's indescribable. Multiple facial piercings, funky hair like a waterfall and the moon, beautiful tribal tattoos. Her eyebrows are inked in silver, rather like lightning bolts, permanently. She glows. After the transaction was done, I just mustered the courage to tell her that I'd been wanting to tell her for a while that whenever I looked at her, I felt like I was looking at a work of art. She twinkled softness and almost whispered, "Thank you so much. That's exactly what I want to be." The only thing I could think of to say in response was, "You're beautiful." Then I blushed and walked away.

    So that's what I dig about this time of year. That I can say that to someone without it being received as some kind of freaky non sequitur. That kindness is welcome.

  3. don't care for christmas myself or all the mythologies connected to it. it would be fine if it was kept to it's single day or even a week but we are subjected to it for months! I don't listen to the radio, watch TV, go shopping because of the constant barrage. I used to be a real crank and resentful but I've let go of that.