|The witch hazel doesn't care that it's still cold, that there's still snow on the ground.|
I used to conjure. By that I mean I used to do magic - cast spells, make charms, invoke various Beings and the elements, hoping to get them to do my bidding, whatever that bidding was at the moment. Of course I wasn't the first and certainly not the last person to practice the Art. One of my pet theories is that it's the opposable thumb that gives rise to the fantasy of human control. It's a great fantasy! We can control certain things, of course, but the big picture? No one has ever been able to shape it predictably or consistently.
When I conjured, I became bound to the magic or maybe by the magic, to my expectations and wishes for the work. Conjuring made me blind to alternative outcomes, to alternative truths. I became less and less able to feel surprised by anything. The moment I set the magic, So mote it be!, I was in a cage of my own making. It was sad. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only conjurer to get tied and bound in magical knots.
|When I did magic, I felt like this.|
Anyway, I stopped conjuring many years ago. These days my intention is to pay attention to what's ongoing, to choose the most healing, nurturing, beautiful, compassionate flows of energy, then dance in alignment with those currents, so as to enhance them in some way. Going with the flow is not my best thing, but I try. I seek the light and come in peace.
This period of time is not only about cultural reinvention and social upheaval (just like the sixties!). It's also about personal reinvention. I have not escaped the energies of upheaval and change, of course.The internal tectonic shifts I'm experiencing are rather thrilling, and unexpected, something I would not likely have paid attention to were I still conjuring. I have a feeling I would have dismissed any thoughts that didn't fit in with my magic.
Fortunately I'm surprised and curious, paying attention as best I can. It's kind of crazy. Going with the flow of reinvention requires some loss, some discomfort and heightened vulnerability as I shape change. Instead of conjuring, trying to shape the change, or slow it down, I'm choosing to let a greater wisdom guide me. It's liberating and scary, much smaller in scale but not that different in flavor from the changes taking place in society.
I've had a series of revelations - or you could call them reality checks - about who I am, personal values, what matters, that sort of thing. For instance: I thought I was a dog person, but I'm not. Jake died four and a half years ago. If I were a dog person, I would have a dog, or would at least want a dog. But I don't want one. I am not a dog person! Jake was the exception that proved the rule.
Up until recently, I always said cake was my favorite thing, but it isn't! I'm really picky about cake. I'm a pie person. Who knew?
These are examples of many personal revelations I've experienced recently. They are rocking my world! As is my practice, I'm dancing with the internal paradigm shifts. I'm going with it as best I can. Why not?
It's marvelous to know that there's no need to get rigid just because I'm old. Wow.
It's an honor to live through two periods of history during which the energy of transformation and reinvention prevails. It's exciting. Life is good and I am grateful.