Friday, January 24, 2014
I did a lot of thinking while I was sick. I guess I always do a lot of thinking, but this was different. The illness was unlike anything I've ever suffered from. It could be argued that when I developed pneumonia ten years ago, I was sicker. I even had to take antibiotics, something I hadn't done in thirty years. But the H1N1 was far more frightening.
The Voice in the Shower said, the first day I was well enough to get out of bed, You touched the grave. I touched the grave ... whoa.
It was the fact that I lost my appetite that so unnerved me. I didn't eat for several days, then realized I needed to eat, but I had no enthusiasm for food. I couldn't smell anything and the only thing I could taste in the numerous bowls of chicken soup people brought to me was salt. Everything from my mouth to my ass froze up. My belly was cold to the touch. It was so weird!
One of the things ghosts most often tell me is that they miss smell and taste. They really miss sensation. When I ask if they remember tooth aches and menstrual cramps, they have no idea what I'm talking about. As they remember it, life in a human body is a luxurious experience of sensual pleasures.
When my digestive system shut down, I prayed for sensation, I prayed for enthusiasm. I wanted to be hungry and thirsty, I wanted to taste a flavor other than salt. The first day I realized I was thinking about what to have for lunch, I got so excited. When at last my digestive system was working again, I fell to my knees and thanked God for returning me to health. I even expressed thanks for my characteristically sour stomach. It meant I was really back to myself to feel slightly queasy. Oh yeah!
It was a very dramatic illness. It is so good to be back, to be hungry and thirsty and enthused. When I was a witch we often said, "May we never hunger, may we never thirst." I understand what we meant is that we hoped to never be in need, but as with so many things I did during my years as a witch, that phrase, as it turns out, is a curse. Oops. Mistakes were made!
May we hunger, may we thirst, and may our hungers and thirsts be well satisfied. May it be so!