One of my mantras, when I'm anxious or depressed is, Whatever is happening, remember it will not last forever. So true! I forget this when I'm upset, of course. I also can't remember it when I'm really happy. I forget that happiness, too, is fleeting. Everything is fleeting.
It was a quiet Fourth for me yesterday. I saw the local parade, homegrown and sweet as always, after which I took a nice walk downtown. I'm not usually down there on the fourth - oh my, the throngs were overpowering! How do people handle being in massive crowds like that?
After I had my fill of the noise and chaos, when I'd seen enough of everyone dressed in red, white and blue, I beat a hasty retreat to the quiet hamlet of Capitol Hill, enjoyed a quiet dinner with friends. The fireworks were especially intense last night, but by the time they really got going, I was safely inside the chateau.
As it turns out, it's OK if I don't cook all day on the Fourth of July, it's OK if I don't eat ribs and drink too much with my old neighbors. Everything is just fine without the old traditions. Who knew?
I've heard no news so I assume that my ex housemate's father has not yet passed away. My heart goes out to the whole family. As someone pointed out to me, sitting vigil with the dying is not only nerve-wracking but also boring. I wish for him a smooth passage out of his body. May his spirit fly high.
Another conundrum I've been dealing with is at last resolved. All I had to do was let go. Why is it so hard to remember to loosen my grip on my favorite stories, find a new way to think about the world? I blame it all on my opposable thumbs. My hands were made for grasping, right? I am so good at grasping. Once I manage to pry open my fingers, relinquish my grip on whatever it was I held on to for dear life, everything feels so much better.
As if to dance in shamanic alignment with my state of mind, the mighty broom of weather came through a couple of days ago, mucked out the swamp for a couple of days. There was rain, lightning, thunder and wind. In the aftermath, it is beautiful! Right now it's around 80 F., with powerful sunshine and dry air, a Lake Tahoe summer day. It will get hot again tomorrow but that's to be expected. As long as I get a few days here and there of this kind of refreshing weather, I can handle summer.
The weirdness of this past week is done. Thank you to the gods of change. I am grateful.