Saturday, February 15, 2014

After a clean break

Yesterday the sun was shining.

My birthday was wonderful. It snowed all day. Lovely snow, happy snow. Friends took me out for a drink, other friends made dinner and cake for me. It was great. And now, onwards and upwards!

I'm happy to say that the theme of divorce has ebbed in strength. I am grateful even though I know sometimes the only healthy choice is to make a clean break. So be it. I'm done with cake, haunted boyfriends and stalkers. Thank god!

In the wake of the break-ups and revelations, what I'm feeling is the strength of connections that prevail, even when times get tough, such as my relationships with my siblings, for instance.

This morning I was thinking about how pruning makes a tree healthier, more lively. I pluck brown leaves off my houseplants all the time. Destruction and release is part of the life cycle, impossible to avoid even if I wanted to. Why do I ever try to avoid it? Well, because breaking up is hard to do. It's uncomfortable and sad and bewildering. Sometimes, the last part of the cycle of life feels like a mistake or a problem, but it never is. Is it? Everything has a life span.

I've never been able to go backwards to what once was - I've tried, but have not succeeded. I am in general non-sentimental, maybe that's why. I don't yearn for the good old days. I don't even believe in the good old days as a historical reality. Right now are the good old days, right this second, even on a dreary late winter day in Washington DC where snow-like sleet is falling from a dark gray, flat, featureless overcast.

Today I'll work for awhile, cook, and if I get really inspired, I'll walk around the corner to drop off a thank you note to the friends who made dinner for me on my birthday. It's a low-key Saturday, quiet and calm. There is no pending divorce at hand and due to the weather, it's not an auspicious time to start anything new. Today is a lull in the ever changing cycle. All is well.



  1. I agree, I do not yearn for past times, having lived every moment to the max! I can understand why old people are so tired!