Thursday, February 13, 2014

The cake, the stalker and another one of those

The theme of healthy divorce continues. First I had to toss the old, moldy cake even though I wanted that cake, I really wanted cake from the Watergate. I've been thinking about it - why did I buy the cake anyway? I can get a momentum going sometimes. I tilt at life unless I remember it isn't necessary to lean in so hard and intensely. When I embarked on my episode with cake, I had romantic ideas about it. Those fantasies blinded me to the truth. The momentum picked up speed and became more than a sum of its parts. It didn't register, when I saw the Health Department sign, that I should reconsider my determination to have cake from the Watergate. I believed I was a lover of cake, that I HAD to complete my mission, no matter what. For heaven's sake. Why?

I always say cake is my favorite thing. I divorced that idea this week when I realized I'm actually very picky about my cake and it almost always gives me a stomach ache. I do not love cake! The divorce decree is final.

By chance the other day I ran into the woman who stalked me for a couple of years. She is such a lost soul. It took me awhile to recognize her. She seems all puffy, the way people get when they're taking psychoactive drugs. She was a client I really cared about. I got a bit too inside her story over time, hence failed to recognize how mentally ill she really was. Realizing the truth was a shock. Ending our relationship as client and massage therapist was appropriate. I referred her to other healers. I thought we were done. It was after that when she began stalking me. An ugly story. The amount of sheer energy it took to do all the things you have to do to be protected from a stalker was exhausting. The process was harrowing. I was anxious for two years. But eventually she ceased and desisted. I hear from her about once a year which is tolerable.

It was a beneficial divorce. May she find healing. Shalom.

Seeing the stalker reminded me that I'm not competent with people who are mentally ill. I can handle every kind of malady, every kind of bodily problem. I find the physical so interesting. But mental illness frightens me. Mental illness confuses me, which brings me to the final divorce decree of this momentous birthday week. I met someone, a man of the appropriate age, who was interested in me. It was thrilling as I haven't been asked on a date in years. He is just my type: brilliant, sensitive, charming and deeply haunted. Almost as soon as we became acquainted I saw the haunting. A couple of further interactions made clear that this is another case of cake from the bakery closed by the health department, edible perhaps but why take the chance? Just say no, Reya, just say no.

A medium told me once that I would meet many people with whom I have karmic contracts, but, as she said, You don't have to marry them! No marriage means no divorce is needed. Nip it in the bud.

I'm hoping that three divorces is sufficient for the time being. I have and will learn a lot from these experiences that queued up and unfolded, one after the other in quick succession, the week before my birthday. You can not schedule this kind of timing. It's part of the shamanic lifestyle.

However, today is my birthday. I would like to relax and have fun today. My original plan was to trudge over to Georgetown to pick up my birthday cake which, believe me, was not cheap. I will not be slogging through a foot of snow for cake. It's over between me and cake do you hear me? I am done with cake!