Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Like someone in love
Everything hits me hard. Everything. I am, as my mother used to say, sensitive -- too sensitive, but good looking. It is one of my all time favorite descriptions. Hilarious.
My innate sensitivity is what makes me a good healer, a good listener (when I remember to listen, that is.) If I weren't too sensitive, how would I converse with ghosts, clouds, the stars, the planets, spirit guides and animal guides, trees, rocks, rivers and such? I value my sensitivity! I've worked hard over many years to refine and cultivate it. This is the shamanic lifestyle.
Being too sensitive has its drawback, naturally. What happens in my life has impact. I feel every little thing. Even a walk down to the coffee shop to chat with the crowd there can take on great meaning if I take time to look at it as if it were a dream. What would it mean, if life were a dream? (Life definitely is a dream, an ongoing, three dimensional divination tool unfolding before us. Believe me.)
One of my spirit guides told me long ago that mastery of shamanic sensitivity involves discernment. We have to figure out what merits scrutiny. I could stare at the lines in my hand all day, but will the insights I glean from that be helpful in any way?
There is not time to pay attention to everything, for heaven's sake. One must do the laundry, book clients, work, sit at the Matchbox bar. I'm sensitive, yes, but I can't delve into every little thing. It never works out when mystics tip all the way into the mysteries. It becomes a pathology.
I am not interested in that level of mysticism. Life as a human being is way too much fun to go off the deep end, if possible. As best I can, I use my powers of discernment and my instincts to decide what I should pay attention to. It's a bit hit or miss of course. Sometimes I'm sure that one event or another is worthy of attention, but it turns out to be a dead end. As the years pass, I get better.
Sometimes it's absolutely clear what merits attention, for instance this upcoming trip to Paris. I bought a ticket and am currently negotiating a flat to stay in while I'm there. This is momentous. I've been thinking about it for years, non stop. At last it is going to happen. Everything about it feels right.
I'm shaky and giddy, also filled with fear. When I feel this way in my body, that's a signal that the cause of the shaky, giddy fear is worthy of contemplation. It surely is!
I feel like I have fallen in love. It is really bizarre.